The Wannabe Screenwriter Extraordinaire

Added a Twitter Feed

2009-11-13T11:43:00.000-05:00

Since I don't update this nearly as continuously as I used to you can follow me on Twitter (or just look on the right side of the page) and see what I'm up to.

Things are going well with Sinecure Industries, we'll be coming out with our second app in a week or two. I am also continuing to work out the details for The Last Sermon (my 15 minute drama) with the people that would help me make it/star in it.

Other than that, things are pretty busy! Once I make some time to dive headlong into my ghost story I'll post some updates about what it takes to really get into a good horror film that doesn't really show much (and not like Paranormal).

Holy Crap, Where Have I Been?

2009-10-09T10:05:00.007-04:00

Good question, my apologies for not posting for the past few months! Instead of my usual ramblings I'll make a handy list of what I've been working on:

1. Finished the outline and am working on a first draft of a traditional ghost story

2. Wrote a short (15 minutes or so) drama that I plan to film in late November or early December.

3. Started a business developing iPhone apps Direct purchase link and you can follow us at twitter.com/sinecureind there's also more info on our website at Sinecureindustries.com

5. Had my romantic comedy viewed by Village Filmworks, Big Picture Studios, Crandall Productions, LA Feature Film Academy, Ryan Spindell and Sunipa Pictures. Unfortunately I haven't heard back from any of them but you never know.

6. Ling Pan has had 350 views on youtube without me really pushing it, so that's kind of a cool feeling, I should really look into getting that in a short film festival somewhere

7. Today's my birthday, yay.

I'm hoping this new business venture will pan out so that I have both the free time and money to keep filming my own films. Why focus on selling a screenplay (though it would be nice) when I can make the films myself exactly how I envision them? Ling Pan was such a wonderful experience that I'd love to keep doing it. Here's hoping! And hey, for $0.99 you can contribute to my dream :p

P.S. - I'll be looking for actors for my drama in the next month or so; if you're in the NJ area, like working for free and keep weird hours, drop me a line

48 Hour Film Project Film, "Ling Pan and the Keys of Deception"

2009-05-31T22:07:00.003-04:00

This is a short film entitled "Ling Pan and the Keys of Deception" as created for the 48hour Film Project 5/29-5/31 2009. For the project our genre was "Martial Arts" the object was "Keys" the character was "Bethany Grimes, professional organizer" and the line was "You're not going to believe what I just heard" so we put all those in there! For contact info for anyone involved, please find my e-mail to the right!

The 48 Hour Film Project

2009-04-10T10:00:00.001-04:00

Hiya folks. I signed up on Monday for the 48 Hour Film Project in New York and am currently getting my team together. After reading about it and watching a few of the videos it looks like it's going to be a ton of fun.

I'm always open for different ideas and if you're going to be free the last weekend in May, drop me a line and we'll see about finding something for you to do. I've got almost ten people so far to help out, a plan for renting equipment and a few people that actually might know what they're doing, so that's a plus.

Also more fun news, my FINDING DAVID short film will be up on Amazon soon, so that's fun. I'll have more info on that as it comes. Whee!

Horror: Seeing vs. Imagining

2009-03-24T08:56:00.003-04:00

I've been working on an outline for a new horror screenplay the past couple of weeks (and neglecting my updates) and I've decided to take a different approach from my slasher/gore fest.

I got to thinking about what is scarier, what someone else thinks is scary, or what you personally think is scary. The answer is obvious of course, which is why when you're laying in your bed late at night you're way better at giving yourself the heebie jeebies than any movie could muster.

That lead me to come up with a list of movies that don't really show you anything scary but instead let your imagination run wild - and really create a much more memorable experience because of it. The monster isn't the star such as a slasher movie, but the location, the feel; the sense that something is wrong and you want to get the hell out of there.

The Haunting (1963)

This movie doesn't show a thing in terms of monsters/ghosts/etc. It merely sets up the scares, increases the tension and then lets you do the rest. You watch the characters reactions to what's going on around them and they're just as in the dark as you are. One scene that really sticks out is when the large, wooden door is being pressed in, almost to the point of breaking - you're sure that whatever is on the other side is about to burst through and do something awful... and then it leaves. It was a very tense moment because the stomping through the halls had been building and building to that moment. The women were safe for now, but, what if it came back?

The Changeling (1980)

The scariest thing you see in this movie is George C. Scott, by and far. The only real representation of the "ghost" in this story is a wheelchair in a hidden room in the attic, other than that it's the house that is the real scary character. There was no need for special effects (or if it were made now, a weird CGI ghost) to represent what was scary, it was just the atmosphere and the sense of something being wrong that built the tension through the story. What I love about the movie is when things finally seem to be calming down, the problem had been solved and things feel like they're going to be okay, one of the biggest scares of almost any movie ever comes. All it has in it is a mirror and a quick cut - and it was perfect.

The Wicker Man (1973)

From the moment Woodward arrives at Summersisle you know that something is wrong with that place but you can't quite put your finger on what. I wanted him very much to just get out and leave that place but I also had an interest in him finding in the missing girl, so he couldn't leave until his mission was fulfilled, one way or the other. There is a definite eerie atmosphere throughout the film that starts to get to the main character and the audience as well. Even though the remake has Nicolas Cage punching women while wearing a bear suit, this one is superior.

Les Diaboliques (1955)

A man's wife and mistress conspire to kill him, and they do so fairly quick into the film... but did they really kill him? This story deals with guilt and deception and is very tense as the main character seems to be losing her mind over the course of the story. I wouldn't say this is a straight horror film but it certainly delves down that path with the supposed haunting and hallucinations and it has a fantastic story taking place in a French boarding school.

It really comes down to what you don't show in these films and the general discomfort the audience feels when watching the film. A good ghost story doesn't have to have any ghosts in it, it just has to have the right feel, the right atmosphere, and some people that stick around to get to the bottom of things instead of getting the hell out of there.

There are a lot of other films that don't reveal who is doing the killing/haunting until the end such as Psycho but I was looking more into the haunted house/place stories that really struck a chord with me. I've got my location all worked out and I'll be starting on the first draft soon enough, and I'm really going to work on the feel of the story and the deteriorating mindset of my poor protagonist.

As for my query letters, I've been pretty slow about getting that in motion but I signed up for my logline to appear in the Inktip paper newsletter that is going out the end of April (I think), so that's a good step. Also through a friend of a friend I managed to get my slasher film in the hands of a reader for the Yari Film Group. They have some great credits but I don't think a slasher is really their style... but hey, you never know!

The Great Query Blitz

2009-02-17T10:48:00.004-05:00

I've been going through my Screenwriter's Marketplace book and I've been finding a ton of producers and agencies to send my query letters out to. They say that only a small fraction of queries get replies, and of those, even fewer with a positive response so I think by sending out a crapload of them, I'm upping my chances.

Of course that's lottery mentality, it's really important to have a strong logline and query letter. In my last post I put up the logline for NO REFUGE and thanks to the help of an anonymous commentator that has a great deal of insight and advice regarding loglines it has since morphed into this:

"After accidentally killing his best friend, a small-town popular teen makes a deal with the cops to set up his troublemaking friends. This leads to him uncovering a dark secret: the cops have been appeasing a group of cannibals with the town's undesirables"

Which tells way more of what the story is actually about. I think my problem was that I was basing my loglines off of blurbs when you press the info button on your cable box as opposed to a detailed, albeit brief, line about what the work is exactly about.

Of course this is still a work in progress logline and I'm always open to new suggestions. It's funny having to sum up 117 pages into two sentences and having them make sense, but I think I've finally got it here. I think.

Regardless, my list is up to over forty places and I'm not even halfway through the alphabet, so that's a good sign. These are all places that are interested in new people and horror features. I have a separate list going for my romantic comedy, but I think I'll just focus on NO REFUGE for now. Hopefully if one place likes it they'll be interested in my other work as well. I may even have a chance to break out my noir thriller PERFECT ENDING, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

I've also been receiving e-mails from readers and that's really motivating. It's nice to know people are in the same situation as me. I'm always up for reading people's screenplays and having mine read, so please shoot me an e-mail if you'd like to talk, my address is on the side.

I'll post again once the letters start flying - and I'll also be posting some of my thought process as I work on the outline for my new screenplay: a traditional ghost story, sans gore. Should be fun.

Up and Running (and post #50!)

2009-02-03T12:26:00.004-05:00

Hard to believe I've made 50 posts here - guess I wrote a little more than I thought. At any rate I have two versions of a query letter and a whole lot of determination at this point. My first version is the quick "here's the logline, here's my name, kthx" while the other has a small synopsis and a little bit about me. After much debate, changes, alterations, cursing and whatnot I decided to run with the logline as so:

"Strange things are happening in the picturesque town of Pine Falls—the local trouble making teens are going missing and showing up dead."

So - we've got a perfect town in which teenagers are getting killed... little bit of conspiracy? How are the teens troublemakers? Who's behind it all? Strange indeed. Hopefully that will be enough to entice some agents and/or production companies to want to read the entire thing and fall in love with it. Or something.

I ordered the 2009 Screenwriter's and Playwright's Marketplace so I can look up some contact info for people that might be interested in my screenplays. My romantic comedy is good to go as well in case they want to look at more of my work, so I got that going for me.

While waiting for the book to come in I've taken it upon myself to submit to three different places I've found through google the production companies Paradiso Picture, Newlove Films, and the agents of Greyline Entertainment. I did not see them on any of the "beware" lists I checked and I always get a little antsy, haha.

The wheels are in motion, I just have to keep going. Consequently if any production companies or agencies are reading this, feel free to shoot me a line!

Back from Vacation

2009-01-15T10:10:00.004-05:00

It's been a little over a month since my last update but with finals, Christmas and a vacation it's been pretty hectic... so here I am. I've been tossing around ideas for what story I want to start working on next, I think I may go towards my non-graphic horror story, it has a fun premise I think I can get a lot out of.

As for "Blood in the Trees" I finally settled on the new title of "No Refuge" - it is shorter, which is good, and easier to say, which is also good. I changed a reference of the woods about 10 pages into the story to say "wildlife refuge" and there it is. I think it works and frankly I'm sick of trying new titles with this damn thing.

I've also been working on some query letters for this and my rom-com, they're coming out fairly decently and I'll be using Script PIMP's forwarding service contact thingy to see if i can get it out there to some producers and agencies. The horror film would be cheap to make so there are a lot of options out there, hopefully someone will like it. I'd much rather just go and make it myself, but hey, you have to start somewhere. My rom-com I'm just holding back on a little, doing some tweaks here and there. It seems that every woman that has read it has really liked it whereas every guy (all two of them that I could con into it) said "I hate it but it's well written," par for the course I suppose. As I said before in reference to the rom-com, it's a little formulaic as most of them are but with that genre you already know where you're going to go, it's the getting there that's fun.

Aside from all that I've just been watching a bunch of random movies to see what's out there since I have the streaming Netflix now, my recent views were "Teeth," "Dead & Breakfast" and "The Charge of the Light Brigade" which were stupid, silly and good in that order. I also watched the first two seasons of "30 Rock" which was hilarious... good stuff.

I'll update once I figure out a good query letter and get it out there, persistence is key.

Oh! And a bunch of people commenting really solidified my "no contests" standpoint now, good looking out. It's always great when someone that knows things a lot better than I do gives me some advice, it's motivating. Thanks!

Submissions, Rewrites and Titles

2008-12-12T10:25:00.004-05:00

I've submitted my romantic comedy to the Bluecat Screenplay Contest so that's fun. They provide notes with their entries so hopefully I'll have those by February. Script P.I.M.P. has also started their contest once again so once I receive my latest notes on my slasher film I'll be entering that contest as well. The problem with screenplay contests is that it takes so long to hear back, there are a few monthly screenplay contests floating around but I'm not quite sure of their legitimacy.

At any rate, BLOOD IN THE TREES went through its umpteenth rewrite and I think I finally have my narrative flow down well. The problem before (I hate when a problem is pointed out that's been there all along, I feel silly finally realizing something IS a problem) was that the narrative followed the characters along for the duration of the story. Essentially from page 25-90 the characters were all together doing their thing, so I've added in a complete subplot which allows breaks from the actions of the main characters as well as provides a different perspective on the events that are happening.

Tuesday I'll be submitting it back to the development service. Each time I get their notes back I seem to be a closer to where I need to be so hopefully I made a big jump with this. Just as a little motivation I read what happens to the people that are recommended by them, there are a couple dozen options, people finding representation, and a few movies that have been made, so that's good. It would also explain why it's so hard to GET that rating but I suppose I shouldn't mind going through the trouble of writing a great story.

Speaking of great stories I've gone fishing for some opinions on my romantic comedy and thus far everyone has really enjoyed it, so that's a plus. I actually enjoyed writing it more than the slasher film if only because my characters weren't brutally dispatched halfway through. It's nice seeing a happy ending, haha.

Ah, to the issue of a title. I still think BLOOD IN THE TREES is an okay title but there COULD be a better one. Just looking at the titles of horror movies out there, they're generally silly. I suppose mine rates up there on the silly scale but I'd like something a little stronger. BEHIND SUBURBIA was a decent title as well but for some reason I was the only person to think so and "it left the reader unsure of the genre of the film" ... so that's bad. I'd hate for people to expect a poignant drama of the struggles families have living a suburban lifestyle and end up with a bunch of dead teenagers. So if anyone has a horror movie title they've had laying around that they always wanted to use, send it my way.

My ultra low-budget mocumentary FINDING DAVID is just about finished. I know I've been saying that but the end of this month is the ultimatum because I want to get it into the Garden State Film Festival. I think it's decent enough to be in it. Well, after going last year I'm pretty sure it is, but of course I don't know what the heck they'll ultimately choose. Even so, we'll be getting a website for it set up soon enough and you can own your very own copy, exciting, no?

At any rate, I'll update once I get my notes back and have some more FINDING DAVID news.

The Standard Characters in a Romantic Comedy

2008-11-25T11:51:00.003-05:00

In every romantic comedy there is certain criteria that has to be met. Obviously it has to be funny and even more obvious, it has to be romantic. When a character is being romantic they can't be funny (unless we're laughing at them) and when they're being funny they can't really be romantic. Being the suave doofus that I am my attempts at romance are funny but that's not really what I mean here.

There are mainstays that work their way into every romantic comedy because of these needs and I thought I'd outline them here, since I'm done with my first draft now, to ensure that I have covered everything that needs to be covered. So, we have:

The Protagonist: Male, female, robot, whatever. Generally the protagonist can go two ways; they can be so unsure of themselves that they have trouble starting a relationship and can easily screw it up (Anything without Hugh Grant) OR they can be so sure of themselves that their pride screws things up for them (Anything with Hugh Grant). No matter how you approach the situation, they're going to screw up a relationship at some point in the story. Whether they're dumped in the beginning, dumped in the middle, or dumped at the end their shortcomings are going to bite them in the ass. So, naturally, in order for the romantic comedy to come to completion we must have them fix their problems, win their heart's desire, and that's that. Or you could leave the theater feeling disappointed as in The Break Up.

The Interest: This is who our protagonist desires. They're perfect (for them) in every way and you want to see them together, you know you're going to see them together... but HOW are they going to get together? Will our protagonist overcome their problems so that their interest can see the real them and fall in love with them? Probably. Even so, the goal of the romantic comedy is not the getting there, it's HOW you get there.

The Best Friend(s): Our protagonist and our interest both (usually) have best friends and they are generally the comic relief. They are able to point out what's wrong with life, provide some advice that may or may not work and to generally take the pratfalls when things go wrong. The protagonist gets the blame, they get the funny, of course. These characters are generally scene-stealers because they're very entertaining, they're there to lighten the mood and really bring out the comedy in a romantic comedy. Look at Jack Black in High Fidelity. I was highly invested in John Cusack fixing his life but every time Jack was on screen he stole my attention, BUT, when he was not there I wasn't pining for him to come back. They have to be entertaining but not overly likable, that's your protagonist's job (even is they are a jerk). One best friend is fine, but it's fun to see the best friend get to know the interest - for better or for worse.

The Plan/Problem: Our protagonist's plan or problem (the foil of the story, our inciting incident as well as our climax decision) is in itself a character. It drives our protagonist along and forces their decisions and moves the story along. If the protagonist was perfect and had what they wanted, we wouldn't have a story, simple as that. So our protagonist must fix what is wrong with their life (if it's a plan, usually a way to happiness/money, if it's a problem, they realize at the end they were Hugh Grant all along).

The Antagonist: Now I haven't mentioned an antagonist directly because in a romantic comedy there usually isn't a REAL antagonist. The "sort-of" antagonist is usually someone that's either interested in the interest as well, already with the interest, was with the interest at some point, or steals the interest away - but they're not out to DIRECTLY get our protagonist, they're just kind of in the way. They don't have to be stopped/killed/destroyed/etc. merely pushed to the side by our protagonist coming through on their plan/solving their problem. Look at Tim Robbins in High Fidelity. He was living with John Cusack's interest, and John was pissed about this (and acted out in his fantasies) but by the end of the story John has solved his problem and Tim Robbins goes on his merry way - presumably home to Susan Sarandon.

Everyone Else: The rest of the characters in the story are people either helping along or detracting our protagonist with their plan/problem solving but are generally there for a laugh. You don't need a lot of subplots going on in a romantic comedy or you end up with Love Actually. While that was a good movie and entertaining, it seemed more like a lot of half-stories than a complete story. While Hugh Grant's was the most developed I was the most interested in the "Christmas All Around Me' guy.

So, that's pretty much everyone in a romantic comedy. I can go down this and check off each part and it's fully covered, so I'm in good shape (in my own eyes anyway). I've passed around the script a little to get some opinions and I'll be entering it in the Bluecat contest on Monday.

Fun fun!

Rom-Com Draft #1 Complete

2008-11-24T14:43:00.003-05:00

I don't know why but I found my romantic comedy so much faster to write than my other scripts - it just felt fast. That's probably a good thing, meaning I did not get stumped anywhere or try to figure out what happens next (regardless of having an outline).

In fact I think I'll skip the usual development service and submit it to the Blucat Screenplay Contest, which has an early-bird special on December 1st. They provide notes back by January for the early-birds so I can see where I stand on the screenplay and hopefully do well in a contest. The Bluecat contest seems to lean towards emotional or touchy-feely stories, so hopefully a rom-com can squeeze in there somewhere.

As for Blood in the Trees I'll be resubmitting to the development service as soon as I have some extra cash, which may or may not be next week depending on if I go shopping for Christmas presents or not. Decisions, decisions, eh?

Just a quick update today, I'll post some news when it happens.

So Much for Updating More Frequently

2008-11-14T11:43:00.002-05:00

But still, what's the point of updating if there's nothing to update? Now that I have a few things I can make a semi-coherent blog entry.

*ahem*

At any rate, I received more notes from the Script P.I.M.P development service and have made some changes and added a few scenes to Blood in the Trees (I'm still open for a better title, by the way) and I'll be resubmitting to them in the next week or so. Here's to hoping that I've finally covered everything that needs to be covered without making any more problems. It's either that or they're just stringing me along, hoping I'll keep paying for that coveted "recommend" rating. It's a dysfunctional relationship but I think deep down they still love me.

My romantic comedy is coming along nicely, I'm 1/8th of the way into having a first draft. That's sort of swimmingly I guess. I do have a completed outline and a fun hook. I must say that the first fifteen pages are packed with everything that's needed to suck an audience in and set up the rest of the story, so no more of my "waiting too long to get started" problem. Plus it's fun writing witty dialogue and having it expected as opposed to being out of place in a horror setting. Even so, instead of selling the movie if someone can cut me a check I'll just go make the movie myself... that would be way more fun.

I also came up with a great idea for a classic ghost story. I think horror movies wherein the atmosphere is scary (i.e. The Haunting) as opposed to be scared of something are a lot creepier than the creature features that have been around. Think of The Ring; before you actually saw the little girl and you were getting bits of information with that air of foreboding it was really creepy. That's also why The Ring 2 was crap! Crap I say! I'll be working out that script after the rom-com, I've had enough of horror for awhile.

A reader (I presume the only one) contacted me the other day and told me about stuff he's working on and how he's hoping to get his name out there. He is working out a distribution deal right now for his first feature, a quirky/funny horror movie Hamlet the Vampire Slayer which I've conveniently linked for... well for me. I hope he has good luck with that... then he can hook me up!

Finding David is almost finished (just some editing tweaks to do) and hopefully we'll be able to get it into a festival or two and have even a fraction of success that Aaron is having.

So... more stuff happening and I'll update when they do!

Blood in the Slasher and Romance in the Romcom

2008-10-09T09:48:00.004-04:00

I've retitled my slasher movie "Blood in the Trees" since that sounds... hmm... more slashery. I was told that "Behind Suburbia" sounded too artsy for a horror movie - and wouldn't be perceived as one just by the title. An odd observation but an accurate one though I don't know many people that randomly pick a movie to see based on the title alone. If anyone has a suggestion for a BETTER title, please let me know.

At any rate, I resubmitted "Blood in the Trees" to the Script P.I.M.P. development service (seeing as how it was technically "Behind Suburbia" version 10) to see what they say about all the changes. I think the last time they saw the screenplay was version 3, so it has definitely come a long way since then. At least I hope it has. I think the visual writing went pretty well and the screenplay is a lot smoother and more dynamic. POW!

I've also put my eccentric comedy on hold in favor of a semi-formulaic romantic comedy. The eccentric comedy was getting a little TOO weird so I may have to go back and change things, but while doing so a great idea for a romantic comedy popped into my head and I decided to run with it. I'm partway through the outline and so far it is really shaping up. Of course, the plot of a romantic comedy is pretty easy to hash out, it's just a matter of creating characters that people love and can identify with.

Here's my formula for a romantic comedy, please swap genders depending on your protagonist:

1. Guy has a lousy (or too perfect) life.
2. Comes up with plan to improve life (or a plan backfires).
3. Meets and falls head over heels for someone they meet during plan.
4. Other person reciprocates.
5. Plan blows up in face, loses other person.
6. Redemption.
7. True love (but at the opposite of original expectations).
8. The End.

Easy, no? Don't get me wrong, there are a ton of mutations on the genre but if you break them down enough this is essentially what they boil down to. Some stories come in at step 5 (High Fidelity) then retell steps 1-4, but all of those steps are there.

The trick to being successful in this genre is to find a unique way of going through the steps. I'm not talking make it a Momento-esque retelling, I mean find something unique. Give the protagonist a unique job/interest, give them an original plan to go through with, make the other person outside of the norm for true love (The Holiday: Cameron Diaz + Jude Law = romantic comedy. Kate Winslet + Jack Black = what?). Or you could always write several half stories, slap them together through odd coincidences and you have a complete movie (Love Actually, which I really enjoyed).

So - you know where you start, you know how it's going to end - you just have to fill in those little bits in the middle and you've got yourself a romantic comedy. The plus side is that romantic comedies have a built in audience, even the crappy ones seem to be decently successful at the box office, especially if they have some star power behind them.

My previous post was right, having school work to do definitely gets the creative juices flowing!

The Pangs of Withdrawal and the Agony of Defeat

2008-09-29T08:48:00.006-04:00

The other day I just realized I had not done any writing for the past two months. That's a bad thing. The feeling I had started as kind of an empty feeling, deep down in the pit of my stomach, then it kind of worked its way into my extremities and finally settled into my brain. I felt sort of... off. It's somewhat hard to describe but it is kind of a jittery, not finished feeling. As if there is something to do and I cannot remember what it is - but it's driving me mad.

That's what I put two and two together and sat down to do some writing. I knocked out fifteen pages of my comedy script (which I'm debating whether to start over on) and came up with two new ideas. Another horror film, this time not a slasher, and a romantic comedy of all things. the romantic comedy sort of stems from my own screenwriting issues so I can draw from a lot of real life instances with that.

The more I thought about writing and the more I wrote things and came up with ideas the more settled I seemed to feel. Of course now I need to keep up with it. I woke up today in a rather melancholy mood, bordering on severely blah. It being Monday certainly cannot be helping but I feel an underlying dissatisfaction with the way things have been going lately.

Behind Suburbia has not placed in any screenplay contests even though it has gotten unanimously positive feedback - in fact - all of the feedback thus far has said to make no story or dialogue changes whatsoever (I'm still "off" on my visual/descriptive action lines though, not bad, could be better). So what's the problem?

I'm thinking the slasher genre is not something that wins screenplay awards. Even horror screenplay contest awards. Mind you I'm not copping out on this one, but reading the log lines and summaries of the winners it's apparent that I did not create a screenplay that was innovative enough to merit an award. It's a solid story, the dialogue is great, it stays within the genre but promises to go above and beyond story wise (which I've been told it does) - but when it comes down to it, it's a slasher movie. I think it's good, reviewers think it's good, it's just doesn't have that genre-breaking completely innovative never-been-done-ever feel that they want to showcase as winners.

Maybe I'll throw in an M. Night Shaymalan ending and have the kids be already dead. Oh! Or the kids are being killed because THEY are the monsters. Yeah! Cop-out! No! No! The kids are dead monsters that-

If this were the 80's perhaps I'd have a leg up on the competition but then again I was 8 years old in 1990, so that may have been rough. Maybe I can invent a time machine, go back, and reinvent the slasher genre when it was more popular - thus making it so the future me wouldn't write the screenplay because it was already finishing making it so I don't invent the time machine and and and *explodes*

I am getting a lot of views on inktip, so that's something. I have a good log line but so far there have been no contact from anyone that has downloaded the screenplay. After Dark films has looked at my synopsis and log line four times. FOUR TIMES! If a low budget slasher isn't perfect for that horror fest, I don't know what is. I went to that festival last year, I liked Bordertown (Borderland?), Tooth & Nail and The Many Deaths of Ian Stone was interesting but the rest were pretty bleah. I think Behind Suburbia would be a good fit simply because you can low ball the budget and not come out with special effects that look like something Troma would put out. Nothing against Troma, they put that stuff out on purpose, that's all. All I need is gore, in fact, go buy a bucket of entrails from a butcher and mission accomplished!

AT ANY RATE - I'm sprucing up the visual descriptions (again) with more adverbs. I'm gingerly adding adverbs. Or furtively. All that science in college did not leave much room for visual descriptions aside from "it turned red" so this is really something I have to work on. Maybe I can saunter to the bookstore and nonchalantly skim a few books before hunkering down to sadistically tap away at my keyboard. I think.

Once I do that I'm going to resubmit it for Script P.I.M.P. development to see if I can bump it up a notch. Maybe I can have some more people look at the script and garner some more interest from people that want a slasher movie. Heck, I'll give the thing away if it means it will actually get filmed - because once you have a credit to you, you have it, darn it.

Oh! In other news, my film (well, my short film) Finding David is nearly complete. I took some seminars on editing, got a sound editor, did a lot of work and the craptacular piece of garbage Snubbing David Cross has been transformed into something I'm actually kind of happy with. Maybe I'll be able to get it into a festival and someone will say, "hey, this guy should get a budget to make a real movie" and I will squeal with delight.

As long as I'm dreaming I'd like to also hit the lottery - but we'll see.

Now that business school has started (I'm working on my MBA to see about making more money to fund my screenwriting/film endeavours) I'll be looking for ways to avoid homework so expect some more updates, well, relatively speaking.

Hotel Guignol and Other Matters

2008-08-19T08:27:00.003-04:00

I haven't been doing much writing lately which of course is the reason behind the lack of updates. I had LASIK eye surgery last month (it's amazing, I highly recommend it) so staring at a large white page on the computer kind of irked me. I'm doing great now though, I've just been lazy and in that antsy stage of waiting to hear back from contests.

I've heard back from a few, but it was earlier drafts of Behind Suburbia so they didn't do as well as I would have liked, but I'm more looking forward to the contests which received the later drafts... which means more waiting anyway. I've been plodding along in my comedy, but I'm not all that sure how I feel about it thus far, but I think I'll finish it as planned and then give it a good evaluation from there. If I have to toss it and start over, so be it, but there are enough things I like that I can probably save a great deal.

In other news, I received an odd e-mail from a website called "Hotel Guignol" which asked for a 5-10 minute short screenplay taking place entirely in a hotel room, the more messed up and weird the better. I wrote up a 10 page supernatural horror story, did a few drafts of it and submitted it, I called it "The Best Room in the House" so hopefully they like it. They contacted me though Inktip, so that was pretty cool. I looked at their website and they claim they're receiving 300 submissions a day (wow) so it'll take a few months before I hear back anything.

Other than that, just kind of trucking along. I'll get back into the swing of things soon, and considering I star grad school in a little over a month I'll definitely be making more time for writing since for some reason I write the most when I have something else I should be doing. When I become a writer full time I'm going to have to have some looming, unrelated deadline hovering over me to keep me motivated.

Ah, also, one of my readers (I didn't know I had those) contacted me over AIM and told me I needed to move out to California. To be honest, I'd love to get out there but there are too many things holding me here in New Jersey to up and go. Maybe in a couple years I can go, but for at least the next two I'm pretty much stuck. I'm also not entirely sure what I'd do when I got out there, I have no contacts now so that wouldn't work... I would have to resort to assaulting people outside studios with my scripts which of course is a big no-no. Regardless, I think I'd like the sunshine. Maybe a coastal change is in order, but for now, I'll bide my time here and keep plugging away.

I'll write an update once I get motivated/hear some news.

Inherently Silly Words in Dialogue

2008-07-02T09:47:00.005-04:00

Dialogue always has to have a purpose, it's used to create and amplify tension, conflict, and move the story along. A character saying "There's a small animal biting my testicles" to which another character replies "bummer," while silly, really does not do much for your story - unless it's a story about testicular reconstructive surgery or small animals of course. For the sake of this explanation though, let's use this line to see how it can be made funnier.

The idea itself while sophomoric is still humorous, so that's covered. Anything involving a great deal of pain without permanently injuring the character is always funny (re: slapstick) so just showing that alone would be funny to a lot of people. Let's say the character has to explain what's happening to a friend over the telephone, or is in the other room, then he has to describe the situation. As it reads above, he states exactly what's going on, a small animal is chewing on his testicles. How can this be improved?

The English language is handy in that there are more words than any other language and it's easy to make up new ones, invent slang, and misconstrue the meaning of other words (which is also slang, but go with it) for a situation. There are also words that make people smile. Just a certain way that they sound that brings out the comedy. It's been said by many people that anything with a "k" is funny. I tend to agree simply because "k" is a funny sound. Pickle. Say it out loud. Then say it out loud three times really fast. Whee! Of course don't limit yourself to talking about the Ku Klux Klan molesting a duck simply to cash in on an idea, I'm just saying a "k" word here and there never hurt.

So let's look at the first part of our sentence "a small animal." There are a lot of small animals in the world, so let's think of some funny ones. If we want to go with "k" we could say muskrat or skunk. I, personally, think a weasel is the funniest sounding animal. If we want to throw a "k" in there as well, we can call it a stink weasel. So our sentence has transformed into "There's a stink weasel chewing on my testicles!"

On to our verb, "chewing." This is where a thesaurus comes in handy, there are a lot of ways to convey that something is chewing, so let's look through the list until we find a word that just seems silly. Here's what we have: bite, champ, chaw, chomp, consume, crush, cud, deliberate, eat, gnaw, grind, insalivate, manducate, masticate, mull, munch, nibble, ponder, ruminate. There are more, but let's look at these. We don't want to use a word that not many people would understand or anything too outdated. The word should also sound painful while still being inherently silly. To narrow it down, we can use "gnaw" or "nibble." In my own personal opinion things with two unconventional letters in a word usually wins, but in this case I like the idea of gnawing. The idea of a stink weasel either gnawing (just going balls out) or nibbling (saving the delectable feast) on testicles is pretty funny either way, but I'm just a fan of the gnaw. Our sentence is now "There's a stink weasel gnawing on my testicles."

We're now down to the "testicles" part of the sentence. While descriptive, the word testicles is both a mouthful and not that funny. Here's where we can use some tried and true slang or just make up our own. As long as the audience is seeing what's happening we can get away with just about anything. People have some interesting pet names for their balls. At any rate, just for a sampling, let's go to the urban dictionary and see what we've got. So under "testicles" we've got: balls, nuts, scrotum, sack, testes, bollocks, gonads, nutsack, nads, vagina, ballsack, sac, genitals, family jewels, teabag, junk, nut, chode, jewels, bag, nards, rocks, berries and grundle. All of those are fine, but we should make up our own slang word here. If you know your character well, just think of what they would call it and go from there, but in this case I'll just make something up (and remove "on" from the sentence). Our sentence is now, "There's a stink weasel gnawing my happy sack!"

Not the best, but hey, I'm making this up as I go along. It sounds a little close to "hackey sack" but we'll just go with it. So our sentence has gone from "There's a stink weasel biting my testicles." to "There's a stink weasel gnawing my happy sack!"

A vast improvement? Not really. A decent improvement - yes. With this line our scene is halfway there, especially if the visual is spot on. In order to make this a complete comedy exchange, the reply to this line has to be unexpected, that's where people will laugh. Let's look over the scene now.

Chip is walking through the park arguing with his girlfriend Kandy (stripper name?) on his cell phone about her jacking a guy off in exchange for a meatball sub. Then, in the midst of the argument, a small animal darts out of a nearby bush, runs up Chip's pant leg and goes right for his nuts, and he lets out a scream.

CHIP

"There's a stink weasel gnawing my happy sack!"

KANDY

It's always you, you, you.

There are a million unexpected replies to this. That's what makes a comedy fun, make your characters not care about each other and see where it takes you. In retrospect this was kind of a dippy example, but using funny words will get your that much farther.

Red Inkworks Words of Encouragement

2008-06-17T13:11:00.003-04:00

I entered the Red Inkworks contest in the middle of May and this past weekend I received a nice letter from the head of the contest, Larry Myles. He was actually really impressed with my story and thoroughly enjoyed the screenplay. It feels really great to have that sort of boost; encouragement from someone within the industry.

Here are some excerpts:

"I consider your premise as engaging, and a solid foundation for an entertainment vehicle. I am impressed with your ability to expand a solid premise into a viable story. In the case of SUBURBIA, the story is entertaining, as well as complete. And although there are areas of concern, your story is better than advertised as a cutting edge horror-thriller – as it delivers the goods."

So all those blogs I wrote about what was lacking in slasher/horror films and my lofty goals of actually trying to incorporate character change and deeper plot elements in the story actually helped me. So I've got that going for me.

"The development of your characters plays an integral part in the story and will certainly assist in making the final translation (screenplay) work. I appreciate how you have found success in making the combination of story and characters matter. "

"It is obvious the premise supporting SUBURBIA holds genuine value – evidenced by an abundance of energy, vitality and ‘edge’ found in both story and actions of the characters."

"Clearly, you have invested time and hard work into your story, paying attention to detail. From the lead-in right through to the (rewarding) climax, you are able to draw upon the energy generated from working the tension levels between the controlling idea versus counter idea."

That feels really great to hear. I may have to resubmit to Script P.I.M.P. and see what their thoughts are on all the changes I've made since I submitted my script to them (about 4 versions ago). It may be worth a second shot there, but, of course, not everything is perfect.

"In essence, what I am suggesting is to set aside your marvellous story-telling abilities aside and start thinking as a visualist – showing us your story, rather than attempting to tell us your story."

I can completely understand where he's coming from with this. Instead of showing what a character is thinking through their actions I may just describe their emotional state - which of course doesn't really translate well onto screen. I don't think it's an inability to accomplish that, it's more of an easy way out. Instead of showing how a character is impatient, they're just impatient. Fair enough.

I've since gone through and fixed just about all of those problems. I more or less did a search for the word "look" in my screenplay and then made the line far more dynamic. That solved a lot of the problem right off the bat.

What I do appreciate the most out of everything was the last paragraph:

"What I would like to see you do is address the issues I have raised. Once complete, email me the first six pages of your script. I will be able to sort out if you are practicing economic and visual-only action descriptions. No additional reading fee would be expected or accepted. I only want to make sure you are on the right path when it comes to mastering the craft of screenwriting. "

So it's nice to know that he'll sit down and see that I'm on the right path for fixing my little errors. It's also great to know that my story is solid and that all of my time and effort are paying off in a great screenplay. I also know of another pitfall I need to make myself more aware of when writing, and solve another problem before it even starts.

I'm also curious to see how the new and improved visual style of writing does in comparison to the other style, so I'll be entering a few more contests. I'll pepper my name out there best I can, sooner or later it will fall into the hands of someone looking to make a horror film.

Opening a Comedy

2008-06-11T12:48:00.004-04:00

Starting a comedy script is a lot different than starting a horror script. In horror, you want to save the best for last, the big payoff involving the killer, the last survivor and whatever else you've cooked up in the course of the story. Sure, you open with a token death, or the remnants of the latest kill (or both), but you want to entice the audience to stay longer to find out just what's going to happen. In a comedy, it's the exact opposite, you want them to be laughing so hard they have no choice BUT to stay.

Your comedy should start with something hilarious.

You want to get your audience in the correct mindset to laugh, and put them in the mood to do so. Sometimes, this gag can be your inciting incident and other times it's just a brief introduction to the character that you're going to be getting to know through the rest of the film.

American Pie opens with the main character masturbating and getting caught by his parents, a relationship set up that plays out through the rest of the film. Annie Hall opens with Alvy discussing directly to the audience why he's so messed up, something that plays out in every Woody Allen film. Dr. Strangelove opens with a deluded general initiating the start of global thermonuclear war while the rest of the film is everyone else scrambling to deal with it. Duck Soup opens with Groucho being put in charge of an entire country - and opens with a song and dance number.

The examples go on and on for comedy - if it works, it works. The thing with modern comedies as mentioned previously is that they are now going for more gross out humor than really thinking about why things are funny. Eating poo or being high? Hilarious. Watching dysfunction impair social relationships even though the main character relates to everyone he knows because of that fact? Not so much (to audiences anyway).

You Don't Mess with The Zohan opened with Adam Sandler being naked and catching things in his butt. I thought the movie as a whole was funny but that gag was just... odd. The audience seemed to love it though, so whatever works (I personally found the "fish out of water" jokes to be funnier).

All in all a comedy has to be funny to a lot of people but you cannot neglect the story in an effort to fit in as many jokes as possible. The situations that arise from the protagonist solving the effects of the inciting incident should be what makes the movie funny and memorable. Subplots and ancillary characters are perfect for the really awkward/hilarious moments, but whenever the main character is involved, the plot should always be moving forward. That's the key - but a lot of comedies muddy the water towards the end.

By the end of most comedies the plot has taken a turn for the serious as the character(s) attempt to right things and a lot of the earlier humor is gone in favor of trying to cram the plot that should have been developing since the beginning into the very end of the film. It's a case of too much story in not enough time. I love a good, well told story but the pacing is essential. Jokes without merit are funny, sure, but if that aren't moving the plot forward they're just filling up time that will have to be made up elsewhere.

These are just a few things that the writer needs to be aware of when constructing a comedy. The story is the most important part of any screenplay, and if you're setting up a hilarious situation just for the sake of setting it up - you probably don't need it. Find a reason in the plot for that hilarious situation, and you've got yourself a memorable comedy.

Just about any Judd Apatow movie (40 Year Old Virgin, Blades of Glory, Semi-Pro, Superbad, Walk Hard, etc.) has some hilarious, gut-busting moments, but for the life of me I can't really think of what they had to do with the plot, and unfortunately I remember them more than the funny things that happened within the actual story. This leads me to not wanting to see the movie again, not because they were bad but because some things are hilarious once. Randomness is funny but then loses its luster, but a great story will always be a great story.

Finding the Point of Comedy: Expectations, Sub-Genres and Silly Crap

2008-05-29T10:50:00.002-04:00

"What's funny?" is one of the hardest questions to answer simply because it's different for everyone. What one person may find hilarious another may find just silly, or worse, stupid. For instance I find fecal humor to be too gross to be funny. My prime example is Stifler's scene from American Wedding... it was just a little too over the top for me -- but most people had the intended "Awwww, ha ha ha" reaction, uncomfortable laughter indicating "I'm glad that's not me!" Another prime example is that men love The Three Stooges... women don't. I know there's the exception to the rule at all times, but I speak in general terms since movies are for general audiences. When you write for too specific an audience you're going to fall flat.

Now the fun thing is that you can take just about any premise and make it a comedy. Comedy, traditionally speaking, is making fun of (or satirizing) an established convention. That's why there are so many sub-genres; if you take the expected results and flip them over to something absurd, you've made a funny.

Example: A bank robber is trying to open the safe in the back room of the bank. He sets up the plastic explosive and primes the charge, with a countdown of ten seconds so he can get to safety... only his sleeve is caught! In a serious movie, he would explode and be dead. In a comedy, it would blow up and depending on the sub-genre would:

A) Blow him into the police station
B) Leave a sooty mess on him
C) Not explode at all
D) Blow up and not open the safe
E) Blow up and not open the safe... but the safe wasn't locked in the first place
F) He frees himself, the safe blows open only to reveal another safe inside

or my personal favorite

G) Kill him anyway, but the janitor finds the open safe and has a decision to make

And so on and so forth depending on whatever mood the writer was in that day. This is of course a simple example, but that's the essence of comedy. Take what you except to happen and run the other way with it.

I just finished writing the outline to my comedy spec. I've written my characters into some humorous situations but it's the approach to the humorous situations that I need to narrow down before first draft writing commences. There's no point in switching comedy styles halfway through, you've established an action/reaction standard and the audience expects that prevail. I also personally hate going to a comedy and winding up in another genre entirely ("Man of the Year" anyone?) that just sets the movie up for failure because of false expectations, but that's a discussion for another day.

There are several schools of comedy before it comes to the sub-genre, they are: Fantasy, Observational, Irony, Satire, Slapstick and Tragicomedy. They are very broad so sub-genres came about to further differentiate between the schools themselves, and most comedies can be lumped into a few sub-genres, but for the most part it's easy to differentiate.

So let's look at our sub-genres: Black (not African-American, but that's one too), Criminal, Mocumentary, Farce, Horror, Family (for, Domestic is about), War, Musical, Parody/Spoof, Romantic, Satire, School, Slapstick, Sports, Teen and Urban. I don't think that's all of them... but that's all I can think of off-hand.

All sub-genres have built in audiences. If you want women to come to your film, make it a romantic comedy. If you want teenagers, make it a teen or school comedy (or just put in nudity). If you want to appeal to weirdos like me, you make a black comedy. Again, I'm speaking in generalities, but these hold true regardless.

Now, all comedies are satirizing or parodying some established convention (be it an actual institution or a belief) so those are umbrella terms, but it is in the way the humor is presented that would narrow that comedy into the sub-genre of satire (Zoolander, Anchorman, Idiocracy, Dr. Strangelove, Dogma) or parody (Blazing Saddles, Walk Hard, Scary/Epic/Super Movie). I hate lumping in Blazing Saddles with Epic Movie, but it's essentially the same thing, just one is presented way better than the other.

To put that into specific film terms: the protagonist is in conflict with the antagonist with unintended consequences, whether those consequences are surprising, ironic, weird or whatever is up to the writer.

Comedies winning the academy award are almost unheard of, the only ones doing so being It Happened One Night (1934), You Can't Take It With You (1938), Going My Way (1944), Tom Jones (1963), The Sting (1973), and Annie Hall (1977). There were a few hybrid comedies that won (and these were all comedies with dramatic elements, "sophisticated" comedies) but these were the only comedies that fell directly in the "comedy" genre umbrella. Recently though, comedies have been up for Best Picture, the first time in quite awhile, so that really opens the door to making sophisticated comedies once again.

That's where I'm trying to come in. I'm not talking about a high-brow masterpiece or anything, merely a comedy that also makes you think, examine life in general, and question the conventions of thought that society has given us. Sounds like heady stuff, sure, but my first goal is to make you laugh, then later, think about why you were laughing.

If I had to narrow down the sub-genres of my comedy I really would not be able to do it. This may be going against my aforementioned audience expectation caveat but the establishment of the tone and theme of the film in the first five minutes will alleviate that problem. As long as I maintain the same feel for the entire film, that is what's important and that's what comedies need to do.

A good comedy does this: in Annie Hall Woody Allen came right out and said that love sucks but you do it anyway, and he spent the rest of the movie showing us why, and it was great. American Pie let is know that it was going to be about the awkwardness of sex in the first two minutes and spent the rest of the movie showing us how, and it was funny. I could go on with all the comedies that I love, but I think I've made my point.

Then again I may have just rambled on, but I feel more focused anyway. On to the treatment!

NYTVF Comedy Script Contest and Other Happenings

2008-05-29T09:24:00.005-04:00

Hey folks, I've been pretty busy with some new developments. I've been going around looking for contests for "Behind Suburbia" .... thus far I've entered it into Shriekfest and Red Inkworks with plans to put it into Final Draft Big Break, Screamfest, Script Savvy, and Slamdance. I want to get it out there as much as possible... quite unfortunate how quickly these add up though. Anyone want to sponsor me? I'll split my imagined winnings :p

At any rate, I found a really cool contest a few weeks ago, the NYTVF Comedy Script Contest ... Fox Broadcasting is sponsoring a contest wherein the winner receives $25,000 and a development deal. Hello! It's even free to enter, the only catch is that they're only accepting 1500 entries, so you can be sure I'll be clicking madly when entries finally DO open.

I'm already on the third draft of my spec pilot, an animated series. I actually came up with this idea a few years ago and wrote the majority of the first season, it was something I worked on in my spare time between feature length scripts, helping me to keep my writing fresh while working on the prep work for the features. The show has slowly evolved into what it is now, thanks to the development ideas of Shawn and Sean (I wish they spelled it the same way, then I could say "The 2 Shawns" ... maybe I can just say "The 2 S's") and it's really come a long way.

The pilot itself has had several versions, the latest incorporating all of the things I've learned in the past year. I was able to take a few of the ideas from the previous pilot and upgrade them, so to speak, really making a strong, funny story. In my opinion anyway.

Bearing in mind my chronic cynicism we're actually going to be ever so slowly working on creating the pilot ourselves. I would love to get it into a festival or two and have it noticed, I mean, that's how Seth MacFarlane got started, isn't it? Even so, I think this show would be better compared to a "Friends plus Seinfeld with the weirdness that animation allows" than the current animated shows on television. I've been trying to make the show more intelligent (so to speak) while still allowing for the anything can happen feel of an animated series.

I don't expect to see the pilot anytime soon but forward progress never hurt. In the meantime I'm also still working on my outlines for my sci-fi and comedy spec features. Hopefully "Behind Suburbia" will do decently in the contests, just so long as it does BETTER than "perfect ending" I'll know I've made progress as a writer, and that's what counts. I think.

Behind Suburbia finished (in theory) and Moving On

2008-05-02T11:09:00.002-04:00

I've completed my version 5 (tenth rewrite, approximately) of Behind Suburbia and finally submitted it to a few contests. I got the notes back from Script Pimp but I did not find them nearly as helpful as the previous set. I saw that I did solve all of the previous problems except for one though (which version 5 rectified) ... but I still received a "pass" rating because of it. Aside from that one helpful hint the rest of the notes were something along the lines of "you need more horror movie conventions but don't make this a conventional horror movie."

All righty.

Needless to say I did not follow them as closely this round and now it's time to see what some contest judges have to say about it. I submitted to the PAGE Awards and something else I can't quite remember off-hand. Regardless, if this places better than "perfect ending" I'll know that I've improved and will feel pretty good about myself. If I won I'd feel awesome... but anyway, I'm happy with the script.

I'll be sending out some query letters soon to get some feelers out there to try and find a producer or an agent. I have two solid scripts and several more in the works so I'm building a decent base to work from. Hopefully I'll get some decent responses and I'll write an entry about query letters soon.

In the meanwhile I've had two good ideas come to the surface. One is a reworking of a comedy script I wrote when I first got interested in screenwriting. I enjoy that version but the overhaul I'm envisioning would have me start over from scratch. The second idea was a modern-day sci-fi movie, i.e. takes place now but has futuristic elements the common populace is not aware of. I've already started the character backgrounds and the outline, and I think it has a lot of potential. I'm just tired of being so serious.

My first set of notes compared my dialogue to Woody Allen and Kevin Smith. Not to toot my own horn but I have a knack for observational and conversational humor, and I really want to do something where I don't have to kill off a bunch of characters. I know, what fun would a slasher flick or murder mystery be without the dead bodies... and the premise of my sci-fi film would require some killing. Not a lot, mind you, but a few. Plus it would be a serious film.

The comedy would be fun, so I'm actually thinking about working on both at the same time. Then I can alternate my entries between comedy and sci-fi genre conventions and explore two things at the same time. Mind you that would entail me watching a ton more movies to cover both genres, but hey, I think it's a task I'm willing to undertake. I don't think I'd be able to WRITE both of them at the same time, but I can certainly do all of my outlining and pre-planning.

So, that's fun. I'll keep you all updated as things move forward. If anyone is curious to read "Behind Suburbia" feel free to e-mail me. Especially if you are a producer looking for a writer/director ... I'd really be up for that.

Resubmitted and Moving Forward

2008-04-22T08:55:00.002-04:00

Just a quick update, I've resubmitted "Behind Suburbia" to the Script PIMP development service, I've requested the same reader so they can see the progress I've made and that I actually paid attention to their suggestions. I got tired of waiting for my editor to read the latest version, but I think I caught all of the errors throughout. Structurally it's sound, I'm, sure on that.

I also noticed I've been rather antsy lately, kind of restless and agitated. I was just going with the flow until last night, when I was just in a very agitated state. It took me until this morning to realize that it's because I haven't worked on anything new in awhile. A writer has to write, no?

I've been up to my ears in slasher movies for the past six months, and I've been been rewriting the same piece of work since mid-February. I think after the results come back I'm going to just make some minor adjustments (it's never perfect) and then submit it to the Script PIMP contest and the Nicholl Fellowship. If I can make it to the later rounds at least I know I've improved a lot since last year.

As for the writing bug, well, I think I'm going to be moving on to a comedy. I've killed enough people in my last two screenplays, it's time for something lighthearted where people aren't allowed to die, though I can hurt them for comedic effect so long as they can stand up and say, "well that sucked!"

So expect a thorough analysis of the comedy genre in the coming months as I analyze what works, what doesn't work, some of the genre conventions and my own insights into the characterization of an amusing, albeit identifiable character.

I don't mind rewriting, mind you, but after staring at the same characters for the past few months I need someone new to mess around with. I'm proud of Behind Suburbia. I think it's come a long way since the first draft, and I think this draft has some real potential. I think that even if the development service gives it a "pass" (it's a 50/50 shot) I think I'll still send out some query letters and try to get it into the right hands anyway.

I mean come on, if the last few movies that have been released in the horror genre are any indication, I think my script should be able to stand up just fine. Maybe.

I'll have an update with the results later or next week, as for now it's time to break out my trusty composition notebook (I was using yellow legal pads but the ones I buy have lousy binding) and get crackin'!

Motivation. AKA: Please don't kill me, I have to feed my fish!

2008-04-01T15:22:00.007-04:00

I've just finished the 3rd rewrite of "Behind Suburbia" today based off of the notes I received from Script P.I.M.P ... I wrote the 2nd version immediately after receiving the notes and have spent the past week and a half pondering if the changes really had the desired effect. After having someone re-read it yesterday (and being helpfully super-critical)... no, they didn't.

Hence my 3rd rewrite. As mentioned in the notes it's important to show the reader (or viewer) the genre of the film in the first five or ten minutes. If they're in a horror movie, it's best that they know it soon, otherwise they'll learn to like the characters too much and be really upset when some guy starts hacking them apart. It's also important that all of your characters have significant motivation.

What is motivation? I always though that in a slasher film, it was the desire to live. It's your life! What more is there than that? Well... lots. I gave my characters a semblance of depth in my first version but now I have "raised the stakes" so to speak. Living is one thing, but having a reason to live is a whole new ballpark, and a whole new level of story telling as well.

Let me give an example of what I mean by this:

Fred is 23, fat, watches a lot of television and is an unfortunate college dropout. He is a recently unemployed copy machine repairman, lives in a cheap apartment (he thinks he's too good for mom's basement) and has frequent midnight runs to Wawa for a meatball sub. This, in Fred's mind, is the pinnacle of life. He comes and goes as he pleases, doesn't have anyone to answer to, sleeps late and has no drive to fix any of his flaws.

Johnny is 22, average build, and a senior in college, class of 2008. He is majoring in microbiology and plans to go to graduate school. Doing so would make his parents proud but, more so, it would make Johnny proud of himself. He hopes to one day settle down with a nice girl (or guy), but that's in the future, and he'll take one day at a time as he works towards his goal.

So... what's the difference between these two guys? On the superficial level, Johnny is goal-oriented and Fred is a loser. Johnny has purpose in life and Fred just kind of bumbles along taking whatever comes. Johnny has a reason to live and it's obvious to everyone around him, and no one would miss Fred except Fred's goldfish.

Poor Fred, right? Not so fast.

We're just superficially looking at these people, they're fairly one dimensional as described. To make a true character they need to have depth and complex relationships... as I've mentioned in previous entries they must be multi-dimensional.

If we put both of these characters into a story I think Johnny might sound a little boring at first. He studies, goes to bed early and is pretty cookie-cutter. But what exactly is Johnny researching at school? Is he studying under a professor (Dr. Ezra) that is actually working for the department of defense, making a new bio-weapon with the unwitting Johnny as his loyal lackey? That adds quite a bit of depth, no? Let's take it a little farther. What if Johnny stumbles on his professor's notes and figures out what he's working on. If he takes a stand against this, Johnny has transcended into protagonist, and someone we want to know... what's his ultimate decision?

Now Fred is bumbling through life, as I've mentioned, but he has a lot of free time. What if one night he sees a panicked young man at the Wawa, suffering from some sort of terrible illness? Fred, although a little self-centered is not a complete bastard, and stops to ask the man if he's okay. The man thrusts a small vial into Fred's hands and tells him that this is the only known cure, and that he has to take it to... Dr. Prentiss in Walla Walla, who will know how to replicate it and make sure that no one gets hurt. Dr. Ezra's not evil... just... not well... and the poor man drops dead at his feet, leaving Fred holding the vial.

Fred receiving the vial is the first scene of Fred's story. All of the other stuff mentioned about Johnny and Fred is their past, it's what makes them who they are... but what we want to know is, what does Fred DO with the vial? Suddenly this loser has the fate of the world in his hand and the question becomes not only will he do it... but CAN he do it? Fred on the top level has the world in his hands, but his is actually a story of redemption, to prove to everyone, and especially to himself, that he's not a loser after all.

Knowing where your characters are coming from is important in understanding the decisions they make at that crisis moment... and it was that little bit of background that was lacking from a few of my characters in "Behind Suburbia" which I believe has now been fixed.

These characters have to want more than the live, they have to have something to DO with their lives should they get to keep it! That's what makes them interesting, dynamic and of course... watchable.

Whew. I'll be resubmitting as soon as I talk my editor into looking for all the tiny little errors I seem to miss. Stay tuned.

Resubmission Imminent

2008-03-24T12:07:00.003-04:00

I received back the development notes last Monday and I really got a lot out of them. There were five pages worth of helpful criticism and great suggestions for improving the script overall. I think these notes were far better than those of HollywoodLitSales.

To just brush upon a few of the things they mentioned, I actually violated one of my own slasher movie rules without realizing it. Instead of getting to things within a half hour or forty five minutes, I actually waited a full hour. Whoops! I just got very carried away with introducing the characters and going into their complex relationships that I had them prattle along for a good length of time. So much in fact that the killing seemed kind of crammed into the last third of the movie.

Even so, the dialogue was compared to a Woody Allen film (my favorite writer/director) so I have that going for me. Unfortunately it's kind of out of place in a slasher film. They also said I needed an incident that would make the viewer (or reader) more aware that this was a horror film. So naturally I created a new character and killed them in a horrific manner, if only to help satisfy a few of their other critiques, such as "why are they in the woods?" and "exactly who out of these six strong characters is the true lead?"

It's funny that I added two scenes in and a new character but the script is now fourteen pages shorter than I had originally started. Regardless, it has a lot faster flow, better interactions, faster dialogue, and a more coherent ending. Mind you I had a coherent ending, but this has more of a set up/pay off feel to it. These characters have a lot on the line after all, they're fighting for their very lives!

Still, I'll be resubmitting for further critique (at half price) fairly soon. Money has been an issue lately as I've just paid to take the GMAT test ($250! ugh!) since I want to stop working in a lab environment and get paid more. Kind of hard when your degree is in the sciences so it's back to school I'll have to go. Still, soon as I get that straightened out and I get the go-ahead from a few people I know reading it, I'll resubmit and hope for the best.

If anyone is interested in reading the script, my e-mail is on the right.

"Behind Suburbia"

2008-02-28T08:21:00.004-05:00

Well, it's finally finished and has a title. It's been a few months, one of which was sitting around coming up with terrible titles, but it's done. Today I registered "Behind Suburbia" with the WGAw and the Library of Congress, meaning that the script is now ready for the world.

I came up with this title because of its dual meaning, one of which becomes apparent after the reading (or hopefully someday viewing). The literal sense of course is that the story takes place behind suburbia, so it works regardless. A few people don't like it, a few people do, but I really like it and I think it's a strong title. I remember the struggle I had coming up with the title for Vengeance, which ultimately became "perfect ending" ... it's just not easy for me for some reason.

At any rate, tomorrow I'll be submitting the screenplay to Script P.I.M.P. for their development service. Hopefully they like it and can provide me with a little insight into some improvements. Either that or they're going to hate it and I'm going to feel bad and have to make major changes. Maybe change the killer could be an escaped hippo in heat, that always sells well in the mid-west.

At any rate, if anyone is interested in reading "Behind Suburbia" and hopefully offering to option it, just shoot me an e-mail and I'll send a handy-dandy pdf of the script. I'm pretty confident in the story I tell as well as the characters I developed. I tried to go for the difficult goal of having a full character arc told within a slasher movie and I think I've done just that. I've had about fifteen people read the script and they all liked it, so that's a good sign. Then again maybe they're just humoring me... but we'll see next week. Stay tuned!